> Practical Family Living

Parents Modeling Faith

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Every parent seeks to passon their faith. Taking a look at one example in scripture, we see how the everyday patterns of life provide a foundation in which a child may learn the reality of God's presence and decide for him/herself to believe in God

Balancing Power and Position

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Using the life of Hagar as an example, we can discover how easily the balance of power and position in relationships can become unbalanced.

In Pursuit of Belonging

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Sometimes obtaining a sense of belonging promotes behaviors that demean or 'step on' others in order to feel significant. Using a passage from Hebrews, this article takes a look at the role of the priest, our role as priests in the family of God and similarities of responsibility.

Communicating With Kids (and Adults!)

Practical tips are provided to help children pair emotions with words and a specific technique is described to improve communication for both kids and adults.

Teaching Children About Feelings

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Children need help in identifying what emotion they feel just as much as we do as adults. Here are some guidelines which are fun and a relaxing way to help your children learn what they may feel and when.

Abundant Attachment with God and Others

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Illustrates how parents and spouses can use Jesus' words from the Gospel of John for healthy attachment

Family Systems and Generational Bondage

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Article describes how past generational patterns can influence current family functioning, and how God can equip us in healthy family functioning.

Teamwork in Tasks and Ministry

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Article describes seven principles to decrease stress through teamwork and delegation in ministry, family, or work-related tasks.

Family Relationships: It's Not About Winning and Losing

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

What family relationships are not about

How to Stop Bullying

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Helpful suggestions and step by step plan to end bullying

For Shame, For Shame: How to End Shaming When Disciplining

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

The power and influence of parents is great; keeping the parent-child relationship in its proper place

Overcoming the Role of Family Hero

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

A vignette portraying common characteristics of the family hero

Ten Ways to "Train Up A Child"

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Parenting is hard. Raising children in today's world is a juggling act for most people when trying to do a good job of applying God’s word."Ten Ways…"gives a real map of behavior for parents to follow as they seek to be a good parent. The admonition to "raise up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it" is fleshed out in this article in practical and moment by moment ways.

Parents Guide to Lingo on the Internet

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

The benefits and dangers of the internet are becoming more apparent as time passes. Parents have the increasingly difficult task of protecting their children and adolescents from the dangers. Here you will find some of the common uses of letters and symbols by kids as they communicate with one another.

Stay Strong While Raising Strong Willed Children

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Strong willed children can be amazingly creative, innovative and steadfast while at the same time frustrating and exhausting to parents. This article discusses some tools for parents to use to teach, train and motivate their strong willed child.

This is Your Life: Adolescents Leaving Home

Suzan Myhre, M.S.S.W., LICSW, LPC

This article addresses launching as a transition in family life, and ways one can prepare for it.

Kids in the Wheelbarrow: Cultivating Trust in the Home

Explore your definition of trust, discover what trust means in your home, and begin to cultivate a trusting environment.

I have a WHAT?

As the Nationwide Insurance commercial proclaims, "Life comes at you fast," parents can find themselves quickly thrown into raising a teenager. As you jump into adolescence with your adolescent, take a deep breath, and use these reminders to help with the adolescent journey.

What Teens Want Parents to Understand

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Some teens believe that parents "don't get it" or "just don't understand." Recently, I asked teens to help me understand what it was like to be a teenager. This article reports their comments.

Our Love Affair with Food

This article discusses forming healthy or unhealthy relationships with food at several stages in our development. Tips for being aware of the place of food in our lives and resources for developing a healthier relationship with food are included.

Children and Attachment Wounds

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

Early trauma in a child’s life can result in attachment wounds in your child. Article describes how a specialized family therapy; Family Narrative Attachment Therapy, can help rebuild bonds between parent and child. Especially useful for foster and adoptive children.

ADHD and Homework: It Can Work!

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Children with ADHD have a tremendous amount of potential. ADHD is not a limitation nor a predictor of school performance. In this article, Christine provides a practical guideline for parents to help make homework time more productive and less stressful.

Parent/Teacher Allies: Being Your Child’s Advocate

Parents and teachers make a great team for supporting your child! Being your child's advocate at school can help your child enjoy school and achieve higher goals. Ideas in this article are shared for taking an active role with the teacher and within the school system.

Moms' To Do List

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Moms are good at taking care of their loved ones but often do not take time for themselves. This article offers encouragement to moms to care for their needs and discusses ways moms can be proactive by nurturing their minds, bodies and spirits.

Coming Along Side the 20 Somethings

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Young adults look so adult yet, as we all know, looks can be deceiving. This special group of people need more support than we can imagine. The energy and enthusiasm can mask the fears and challenges they face. Author and therapist, Brenda Spina takes a few moments to outline the challenges they face as well as some practical ways in which all of us can support these precious young men and women.

"The Talk"

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

The mere thought of having "the talk" about sexuality with their children often makes parents shudder and want to head for the hills. Parents take heart. This article encourages parents as it provides a step by step nonthreatening approach to discussing sexuality.

Encouraging the Growth Mindset in Children

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Parents naturally want the best for their children and can be instrumental in helping their children become resilient to challenges. This article informs parents on recent research and ways they can encourage their children to have a growth mindset.

Twelve Years, Ten Lessons

Mary Lambrecht, M.S. LMFT

An article of tribute and thanksgiving. As Mary Lambrecht follows God's call to Texas, she shares ten basic lessons learned in the therapy room and in ministry through The Center for Family Healing and Practical Family Living.

Everyone is Welcome!

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Schools are working very hard to address the growing problem of bullying through teacher trainings, student education, role playing, parent meetings and having police liaisons. However, the problem has not only persisted but has become more severe and more widespread in recent years. Before bullying can be adequately resolved, the issue of cliques needs to be addressed.

If We Always Encourage Kids, Aren’t We Raising Weaklings?

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

Describes how, when and why to encourage children. Some parents are concerned that too much self esteem can ruin a child. However, learning to help a discouraged child can only strengthen them. Strengthening the inner workings of your child is described here.

The Golden Rule for Cyberspace

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Most of our teens know how to work with technology but few realize how technology works. As parents and educators who love our teens, it is part of our job to educate them that what they post online can change the course of their lives. This article provides tips to share with our beloved teens.

Helping Children with Nightmares

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

To children, nightmares are very real and they do not have the knowledge or experience to understand it was just a bad dream. This is a perfect time when parents can be very instrumental in helping their children. This article provides some helpful hints for parents to help comfort their little ones after a nightmare.

Just Love Them

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Our children are not perfect, and neither are we. Sometimes their behavior may leave us scratching our heads or pulling our hair out, and sometimes our behavior may leave others scratching their heads or pulling their hair out. Through it all, God loves each of us and has a plan for each of our lives.

Transitions

Linda Hillary M.S., NCC, LPC

A new school year... Returning to school may not be so "carefree."

Make A New Plan, Stan

Brenda Spina, M.S., LMFT, LPC

A tendency I see in some is to avoid facing that there is a problem…a problem that continues to set them up to be deflated, discouraged, and overwhelmed. We keep “slipping out the back.” Yet, leaving the situation will not help in the long term. With the Lord’s promise to never leave or forsake us, we will make it through the difficulty.

Leaving the Results to God

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

We can get caught up in the present and try to please those around us first. But we are called to be faithful to the Lord, not to be perfect or pleasing to man in all that we do.

Kids with Fears: Get the Real Deal

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

We work a lot with children who have fears. There are many ways to help them through to calm, but the first step is to MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND THE CHILD’S FEAR BEFORE TRYING TO ALLAY IT. Listen carefully to your child as they explain what’s bothering them. Don’t jump to conclusions. We know you have a thousand other things to do in your busy parenting life, but do not assume that saying: “Don’t worry” will help. For kids too young to put words on their fear, it may be helpful for them to draw a picture. One young boy was afraid to spend the night in his grandparent’s home. When he “drew his worry” he drew a scary looking bear. Mom knew exactly the source of the problem. The room where Grandpa kept his antique toy bear collection was where the child slept. Grandma and Grandpa made sure the bears were locked away and explained they “couldn’t get back.”

Transference and Parenting

Lynda Savage, M.S., LMFT, LPC

From: Nancy Rappaport, M.D., associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Resiliency Strategy for Parenting: Watch out for transference. This is when something from one's own life clouds the ability to see a child for who he or she is. All of us have, as Selma Fraiberg described in her landmark paper, "Ghosts in the Nursery," unrememberd experiences of our own childhood that may impact who we are as parents. Often, this divides parents on how to deal with the child. Something as simple as your child failing a class or not wanting to play soccer can be very evocative. Classic signs of transference include one parent being overly protective while the other is furious; a parent believing he's the only person that can help the child; or a parent being harder than she wants to be or finding herself giving long-winded lectures. If this sounds familiar, it may be a red flag and time to step back and consider the source of this behavior. If you figure out what baggage belongs to whom, this clarity will allow you to be more helpful to your child.

Taking Sober Stock

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

Before our oldest daughter was born, my husband and I attended a very thorough and thoughtful parenting class. I remember the speaker saying "conflict is normal and needs to be negotiated." This simple statement was profound for me. Like many people, I don't like conflict. However, we all have to deal with conflict and the closer we are to someone, the more opportunity there is for conflict. The upside to this is that in healthy close relationships there is usually a greater commitment to resolve the conflict. The first step in resolving conflict is to always take sober stock in yourself, and ask yourself "how did I contribute to this?" and "what could I have done differently?" While it is tempting to point the finger at the other guy, the blame and shame game has never helped nor resolved anything.

In The Palm Of His Hands

Christine Vander Wielen, M.S.W., LCSW

A major responsibility of parents is to teach their children how to obey and how to behave appropriately. In most families, some days are better than others, especially when it comes to obedience. Occasionally, when we had a particularly trying day, I would speak with my child in private and ask the question, "What do you think Jesus thinks about this?" I often heard answers such as: "He is mad at me" or worse "He does not like me any more." Answers like these always saddened me; however, I was able to get a glimpse into my child's heart and then speak about God's Truth. Although it is natural to think that God is mad at us when we turn away from Him or when we disobey, those thoughts are not based on Truth. Scripture is full of God's affirmations of His love for us and His benevolent thoughts toward us. In 1 John 4:10, we are told, "This is love: not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." (NIV) Ephesians 2:4-5 states, "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." (NIV) God's love for us is perfect, complete and there is nothing that we can do to change His love for us. He accepts us just as we are, including our imperfections and our disobedience. Our finite minds cannot fully comprehend the infinite love God has for us nor the depth of His grace and mercy. We are so precious to Jesus that He carries us in the palm of His hands.

Take Time to Celebrate

Laura Demetrician, M.S., LMFT

I recently watched an old movie that involved a beautiful and elegant couple dancing. I don’t know about you, but you won’t find my husband and me dancing the waltz. So what has changed in our culture and times? Other cultures and countries continue to use music, beat, celebrations, and traditions to mark special milestones and bring communities and families together. Where did we lose the art of celebrating? It is my daughters who have taught me how to celebrate. When our eldest daughter was young, she learned at a wedding to clink her glass and make a toast. “Cheers,” she would exclaim. The cute little “Cheers” that would escape her lips became a blessing to a simple meal I had prepared. It was an acknowledgment that we were blessed to have one another. And it was an invitation to join in the beauty of life. It is a practice she continues 10 years later. Our younger daughter would have a party every day if we let her. She makes a countdown for every holiday! It begins as soon as the previous holiday is done. She plans elaborate parties and celebrations (that I tactfully have to tone down). It can be excessive, but she understands that there is something special about celebrating. All around us there is beauty, accomplishment, good news, and traditions worthy of celebrating. In a careful reading of the Old Testament it appears as though Israel is to spend most of its time celebrating and preparing to celebrate. There are many feasts and celebrations that God asks Israel to observe. Why is this so important? God wants us to celebrate for several reasons. First, celebrating helps us to connect with one another and with God. Secondly, celebrating is fun. We need beauty and fun in our lives. Thirdly, it helps us to remember God’s faithfulness in the past, enjoy the moment, and look forward to the future. There are many ways to celebrate. Dare to celebrate the small victories and big. “Cheers!”

Traditions and Celebrations

Laura Demetrician, M.S., LMFT

Traditions and celebrations can provide a rite of passage from one season to another. From weddings to birthdays, college graduations to moving parties, these symbolic moments serve as spiritual, relational, and emotional transitions. These meaningful times serve a purpose of highlighting parts of our lives we can let go and aspects of our future that we can grab onto.